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She also realised with a measure of relief that Hal did not take any chances if there was a malfunction.Most of the bales were sold, some singly or in twos and threes to horse owners, including Colonel and Mrs Pennicott at The Manor. These were delivered by Nick and Hal as they were all fairly local. Riding schools and stables bought in larger quantities. Generally they were collected. A complete barnful was retained for feeding their own livestock over the winter. The rest was collected by a contractor who came with his own transport and loading equipment.The retained bales were moved to a rather dilapidated barn up the lane from the farmyard. Bales were lifted using a tractor with a front loader. Both men took turns at this. The bales were stacked lengthways so that the sides of the barn retained them from rolling. The first three tiers were easy as the operator could see where he was placing the bales. It was less so after that as he could not see his load for the last two or. It took me a while to realize that all they ever represented was the truth about the leukemia. When I realized all I had to do was admit the truth, that what I denied myself and the promises made to Tammy were wrong, it was easy." So you just went back? Just like that, back into your mind where you couldn't get out before?" Yeah, I left some things there. I thought I'd be better if I got them out. Part of me, memories of Tammy, part of the music. I had to leave them then to escape when I was thirteen." I believe you Tony, but it sounds damn dangerous to me." Not really. The music keeps me OK in there now that I admit the truth. But it didn't work like I thought. The parts of me that were there, they really aren't a part of me anymore. I think it would have been dangerous to try to bring them back. Those I buried, or destroyed, I'm not sure. I didn't see how they could fit with who I am now. Tammy was easier, I just moved her out of there, to a different place. I can get to her.
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